Looking Forward...and Back...
For those of you new to my blog, here is a picture...
...of Molly (on the left), their foster mom, and Michelle before the girls came home. I love this picture of Michelle and Molly...
...'cause it looks like Michelle wants a smooch. Isn't that cute? In this one...
...Michelle and Molly are wearing hair bows we sent in a care package. Michelle is also holding a stuffed animal from that same care package. That picture was our only confirmation the package had arrived and we just loved that Molly was sharing her goodies with her foster sister. (Maybe she didn't have a choice, but we choose to believe she did!)In talking to Molly about the upcoming reunion, and showing her the above pictures to remind her what Michelle looked like in China, Molly shared another reminiscence with me...one that threw me for a loop and rendered me speechless. (If you know me, you know that's rare!)
When she saw the picture of her foster mom, she told me she had "lots of mommies in China." Lots of mommies? (I just cannot convince her they were nannies, not mommies.) "Yep. Sometimes they had to go home. Then I got a new mommy."
Oh. My. Goodness. That, I gotta admit, was so horrible to hear...yet so revealing.
No wonder she was so upset on Gotcha Day. She had been through the "changing of the mommies" before -- multiple times, sounds like -- so of course Gotcha would have been that much more traumatic to her. And it also explains how she was so quickly able to get over her trauma and begin attaching to me. After all, she'd done that before with other "mommies."
Also, since she has already told me her "mommy" in China never kissed or hugged her, why would she trust me with that kind of intimacy? For all she knows, I may have to "go home" and leave her someday, too.
Chokes me up to type it.
While I'm impressed by my baby's strength -- she tells me her stories of China very matter-of-fact, without sadness or emotion -- I am so bothered by how calloused this sweet little girl had to become at such a young age just so she could handle what life was throwing at her.
I am making a concerted effort to keep China memories alive in both of my little ones -- after all, that's pretty much all they have of their early life -- but it surely gets harder and harder the more I learn.
When she saw the picture of her foster mom, she told me she had "lots of mommies in China." Lots of mommies? (I just cannot convince her they were nannies, not mommies.) "Yep. Sometimes they had to go home. Then I got a new mommy."
Oh. My. Goodness. That, I gotta admit, was so horrible to hear...yet so revealing.
No wonder she was so upset on Gotcha Day. She had been through the "changing of the mommies" before -- multiple times, sounds like -- so of course Gotcha would have been that much more traumatic to her. And it also explains how she was so quickly able to get over her trauma and begin attaching to me. After all, she'd done that before with other "mommies."
Also, since she has already told me her "mommy" in China never kissed or hugged her, why would she trust me with that kind of intimacy? For all she knows, I may have to "go home" and leave her someday, too.
Chokes me up to type it.
While I'm impressed by my baby's strength -- she tells me her stories of China very matter-of-fact, without sadness or emotion -- I am so bothered by how calloused this sweet little girl had to become at such a young age just so she could handle what life was throwing at her.
I am making a concerted effort to keep China memories alive in both of my little ones -- after all, that's pretty much all they have of their early life -- but it surely gets harder and harder the more I learn.
Enough looking back.
I am so excited to get Molly and Michelle together. In reading Midge's blog and e-mailing with her, it sounds like their spunky personalities are quite similar...they should be a hoot when we get 'em together!!
I just hope that Jie Jie (big sister) Molly...
...and Mei Mei (little sister) Michelle...
...recognize each other in July. After all, they have changed a BUNCH since those China pictures.Midge, thanks so much for inviting us along!! We truly can't WAIT to meet your family!!
We can't wait to see you too! Thanks for all your sweet words and encouragement. And as hard as it may be to hear, I think it's a good thing for Molly to share those stories with you. I think things have improved since the Lily Room came to Luohe, but I think a lot of those Luohe kids had a hard start to life. I am so glad Molly is part of your family.
ReplyDeleteSounds like an awesome trip! Can't wait to see if the girls still remember each other.
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