Why I Blog...

I started blogging after we got Carson's referral back in 2007. Blogging was a new world for me and I was immediately addicted. (I always wanted to have a diary as a young girl...not sure why I never did.) Something about getting my feelings and pictures on the blog was, I don't know, kinda cathartic for me. A bit like counseling, to tell you the truth. I blogged pictures and stories from China and, when we got home, decided to keep up with it.

When we got Molly's referral, I realized how much of Carson's journey I would have completely forgotten had I not blogged about it in real time. Since I didn't want to forget the details of Molly's adoption journey, the blogging continued. There are many sleepless nights even now when I go back through my old blogs, read the stories again, and cry fresh tears just remembering.

Now that we've had Molly for 20 months (wow, has it only been 20 months?!), I often wonder why I continue to blog. She's pretty acclimated to our family, the "firsts" have pretty much run out, and we're just a boring ole family of five. Who cares about that?

The reality is, a few people do. I have a short list of very dedicated blog readers (some family, some friends, and a whole lot of people I've never even met) who often let me know they enjoy my blog. Some of them even send me e-mails, wondering if I'm OK when the blog hits a dry spell and I don't post for a while. But I don't blog for them.

Sometimes I think that I blog for adoptive (and potentially adoptive) families. When we were preparing to adopt, I read blogs obsessively. I wanted to know what to expect and how things might go for us. The ones that gave off the everything-is-happiness-and-sunshine vibe...well, I didn't really read those for long. I much more appreciated honest, raw, ugly admissions of the realities of adoption. Because (for those of you who haven't adopted), let me tell ya...it is a tough gig. But I don't blog for those adoptive families, either.

I blog for me.

After I hit the "Publish Post" button on my "Thoughtful Thursday" post (below), I immediately wondered if that was the best idea. I had just bared my soul and admitted some pretty yucky things about myself. Most of the time my blog consists of silly pictures and cute stories...but that post was pretty heavy duty.

My fears were confirmed when a woman I've been friends with for a few years left a pretty nasty comment on that blog post. A comment that brought me to tears. (I deleted the comment, in case you were wondering.) No, that woman has not adopted a child, from China or otherwise. But she had such a strongly negative reaction to that blog post -- and, apparently, to other things I've posted on here -- that it has harmed our friendship. Probably ended it, to tell you the truth. She feels that my blog is too much about me, venting my frustrations and wanting people to feel sorry for me...and not enough about my kids and their successes.

So do I stop blogging the real stuff, and just continue with the "Wacky Wednesdays" and the "Out of the Mouths of Babes" posts? Should silly pictures and cute stories make up the entirety of the blog? Really??

I don't think so. And the reason I don't think so are the four other people who put comments on that "Thoughtful Thursday" blog post. The four people who have been in my EXACT shoes and posted supportive comments that made me feel that I'm not a horrible person...and that I am not alone.

So if you enjoy my little blog, welcome along! But if you see things on here that bother you, or upset you, or get you all riled up...please just stop reading. Because, whether you like it or not, I don't blog for you.

I blog for me.