The Football Diaries...

When Carson first got home from China, Daddy wanted to get him involved in sports. Being from a VERY athletic, sports-minded family, I was not surprised that this was a priority in Daddy's mind. So, we chose instructional soccer. After all, it's a no-arm sport...and with Carson's low upper body muscle tone, it was a great fit.

Carson played Spring and Fall soccer for three years. Then, last fall Daddy got the idea to put Carson in football...and we all got excited! Of all the sports that get watched in this house, football is my all time favorite. And Carson seemed pretty psyched as well, especially since Daddy was going to be a coach.

Last year went well. Carson seemed to have fun and his upper body strength increased dramatically from that one season. I do admit, though, that I was beginning to get upset at the games. I am NOT one of those count-how-many-minutes-my-kid-plays kinda Moms, but Carson spent an inordinate amount of time on the sidelines. In fact, he was only put in for one play in the final season game. When I questioned Coach Daddy about it, he didn't really respond.

The football program we chose is pretty popular in our town. I had heard rumors that they were a pretty intense, win-at-all-costs league, but I struggled to believe that. After all, the kids on the team were SO accepting of Carson. The head coach LOVED his determination and great attitude.

When this summer rolled around and it was time to commit to football, Daddy was gung-ho ready. Carson was kind of back-and-forth. He would say he didn't want to play football, then when Daddy would react ("Dude, we LOVE football!") he would say he was only kidding.

I wish we had listened to that "kidding" and taken it seriously.

Football practices this year started while we were on vacation...and Daddy had the "football fever." He even suggested Carson bring his equipment to Florida so he could run sprints in full pads to get ready since he was missing the first week of practice. I put my foot down on that one -- absolutely NOT! While the football equipment was left at home, football was discussed a LOT in Florida.

The first practice, Daddy's enthusiasm obviously was rubbing off on Carson...they headed out all pumped up and excited. Carson came home from that practice, though, less than excited. I tried to explain it away -- it's July, it's hot, he's just tired from vacation.

On the third day of practice that week, I had to pick Carson up afterward because Daddy had a coaches' meeting right after. I arrived at the practice field about 10 minutes early, partly to catch a glimpse of Carson practicing.

What I saw broke my heart.

After two hours of full-pad practicing in the July heat, the kids had to run around the perimeter of the adjacent baseball fields -- in full pads. Most of the boys took off and sped around the perimeter. But Carson, I realized, could not. He was chugging along as best as he could...but he quickly ended up in the back of the crowd. Molly (who had been attending practices all week with the boys) ran over to "cheer him on" as he finished up his run.

When they finished their lap, the boys were supposed to run quickly into the huddle. Poor Carson. He got around the field (finally) and couldn't catch his breath. He was leaning forward, elbows on his legs, trying to catch his breath. And the coach was SCREAMING at him to run to the huddle. Not in an encouraging, come-on-buddy-you-can-do-it way, but in an angry, condescending stop-being-such-a-lazy-wimp way.

And the coach who was screaming...was Coach Daddy.

I burst into tears for Carson. He was doing the best he could do with the body God gave him, but it just wasn't enough. My heart was breaking for my Little Man!

After the huddle ended and the kids dispersed, I told Meggie to take the Littles to the van and I approached Daddy, tears streaming down my face. I asked him why Carson couldn't run without all those pads on. His response? "He can't, because that would make him different." My response? "News flash, he IS different. And if he can't run without pads and helmet, he is off this team." I stormed away, crying like a fool. I didn't even care what the other parents thought.

I was a bit shocked that Daddy went to the coaches' meeting anyway. I took the kids to get ice cream and asked Carson, in a very nonconfrontational way, if he wanted to quit football. He didn't hesitate to say yes. He said he hates football and only agreed to play so Daddy would be proud of him.

And my heart broke a little bit more.

Before any of you think this blog post is intended to bash my husband, that is NOT the idea here. On the contrary, I blame MYSELF...for not listening to Carson closer, for not preparing Daddy better for the realities of Carson's physical condition, for not believing the warnings about this football league.

The realities of Carson made this situation so much more complicated. If you've met him, you know he is the happiest, most confident, most determined kid in this world. He NEVER complained about football...he just stuck it out with his typical happy, confident determination. If I hadn't attended that practice, I may never have known what Carson was going through.

Another reality (that was clearly news to Daddy until this all erupted) is that physical activity exhausts Carson. From the waist down, he has incredible strength and muscle tone. But above the waist, his muscle tone is severely lacking -- in his arms and in his trunk. Combine that with the contractures in his elbows and shoulders and it's no wonder that he left every football practice exhausted. Heck, he leaves SCHOOL every day exhausted from the physical demands of a typical day there. Requiring him to run after two hours of exhausting football practice seemed OK...after all, his LEGS are strong. The problem is that his BODY is not. I guess I never explained this to Daddy because I thought he could see it. I was wrong.

We straddle a fine line with Carson...between pushing him to do his best and allowing for his disabilities. We are 100% confident that our encouragement with all things physical have helped him tremendously, but I think we need to step back now and realize he has about gotten to his maximum. And that's OK.

We actually discussed putting Carson in Special Olympics sports when we first got home from China with him. But Daddy was against it. He wanted to see what Carson could accomplish before he got labeled as "handicapped" or "different." I thought that was fair, so I agreed to signing him up for local sports leagues. The problem is, whether he is officially labeled as "handicapped" or "different," Daddy and I both need to accept that he IS handicapped and he IS different.

Hard to believe that is news to us, having parented him for four years now.

So where are we now? Well, Carson is done with football. Daddy wanted to keep coaching and wanted Carson to be a water boy, but that didn't feel right to me. I figured Carson would rather PLAY a sport than stand by and WATCH a sport. So, we made a clean cut from football. Unfortunately, we missed the deadline for Fall soccer, so Carson will have to wait for the Spring season. But that's OK...I would rather him have this break from sports than be forced to stick it out with football.

And we are taking a good, hard look at reality around here from now on. Is Carson ever going to play Little League baseball? Of course not! (We used to say, "Maybe he will...") But he is a pretty decent soccer player who LOVES that game, so we'll stick with that.

And maybe some day he'll play drums in the school marching band. Or be editor of the school newspaper. Or president of his Senior class. Because this household recently realized that sports aren't most important.

Carson is.